Mediation Guidelines
I am frequently asked by my clients, "How do you prepare for a divorce?" No one likes to think that their marriage is over, but planning ahead and preparing for a divorce in Nevada will help you avoid unnecessary stress and conflict in the future. The following is list of things to do to prepare for a divorce.
This is a very general list and it is not intended to be specific legal information or advice. You should use this list as a tool to start you thinking about things that may be important as you prepare for your divorce. You should always talk to your own Nevada divorce attorney about how to plan for your specific divorce situation. Comments and suggestions regarding this list are welcomed.
Although you are not required to attend joint counseling to receive a divorce in Nevada, consider an attempt at joint marital counseling. Even if the end result affirms your decision to file for divorce, when you look back, years from now, you will take comfort from the fact that you attempted joint counseling.
You may want to consider counseling during your divorce. An attorney is rarely a good therapist. Hire a good therapist or join a support group. You are losing your best friend, the person with whom, in the past, you talked to about everything. You will need someone understanding to talk with about what is going on in your life.
Consult with an attorney about your legal rights. Make a written list of the questions you want to discuss with the attorney. This is one of the most important events in your life. Make sure you hire an attorney who is experienced in family law and with whom you feel comfortable.
Investigate the community resources available to you and your children for counseling, financial assistance and divorce workshops, etc.
Consider therapy. Many people going through a divorce are clinically depressed. Discuss your changing emotions with your therapist or family doctor. Ask your doctor if you need medication to help you through this difficult time.
Read all about it. There are some very good books on divorce available from your public library or at the local bookstore.
If you and your spouse are continuing to reside together during the divorce proceeding, get a post office box for your own mail.
If you do not have a safe place outside the marital home to keep copies of important documents, you may want to get a safe deposit box at a bank.
Write a narrative detailing the marital history for your attorney. Include the date you began living together, the date you married, your children's birth dates, any prior separation dates, any prior divorce filings, dates when large assets were acquired, and a list of the property and their values that either of you brought into the marriage or inherited during the marriage.
Review the mail that comes to the house. If there is mail that your spouse doesn't normally allow you to open, make a list of the senders and the return addresses. If you have access to the mail, make copies of all important documents such as statements from brokerage houses, insurance companies, credit card issuers, banks, etc. Keep these copies in a safe place, not at the marital home. Do not open mail that is not addressed to you.
What do you own? Gather information about what you own. Make a list of what you and your spouse own, both individually and jointly. This should include real property, investments or major purchases made during the years.
Go through your house, room by room, and make a list of all of the items in each room and estimate the value of each item. Take photographs or make a video. Make a list of this property and state whether or not the item is something you wish to keep.
Make copies of financial statements, tax returns, and retirement plan documents, brokerage statements, insurance policies, deeds, bank account records, property tax statements, etc. Keep these copies in a safe place, not at the marital home.
Make copies of any and all insurance policies relating to the marital residence, furnishings or other assets, including any riders for jewelry, silverware or other valuables. Keep these copies in a safe place, not at the marital home.
Order a credit report. Remember you are entitled to one free credit report each year.
Make copies of documents that reflect anything you and your spouse owe, including all credit card statements, mortgage statements, home equity loan statements, vehicle titles, boat registrations, etc. Keep copies of these documents in a safe place, not at the marital home.
Make copies of any mortgage or home equity loan closing documents and any financial statements provided for those or other loans. Keep these copies in a safe place, not at the marital home.
Build up your own credit. If you do not have credit cards in your own name, you should immediately obtain them. It may be easier for you to establish this credit while you are still married. Without a credit history, you may find it difficult after the divorce to purchase a house or even a car.
When you separate, know the balance of each and every account.
Do not create any additional indebtedness and do not allow your spouse to do so either. Just prior to filing for divorce or during the divorce, you and your spouse should not make any major purchases.
Do not refinance the marital home just prior to filing for divorce. Discuss this matter with your attorney to determine what is best to do in your situation.
Do not raid the bank accounts without first discussing this with your attorney. If you raid your bank account, you must be prepared to account, with receipts, everything you spend. You may also be required to repay some of this money to your spouse.
If you have any thing special that belongs to you, consider moving these items out of the house. Be sure to keep a record of these items, as you will be required to account for them during the divorce proceeding.
If you believe that your spouse intends to remove items from the home, take pictures, or make a video of those items. You may want to videotape all items in the house, room by room. (Remember do not keep the pictures or video tapes at the marital home.)
If you have any incriminating information about your spouse like a video-tape, a police report, a diary, or copies of emails to his/her lover, keep these items in a safe place, not at the marital home.
If possible, set aside cash reserves to use during the first few months of separation.
Become familiar with all the expenses associated with maintaining the marital residence and the related needs of your spouse and your children. You should know where to eliminate expenses from personal and household budget. Remember, two (2) can live as cheaply as one, as long as they live together. You or your spouse may have to maintain a separate residence along with supporting the marital residence during the divorce proceeding.
Prepare a spending history for the last year from your checkbooks, checking accounts and credit card statements, so you can determine your future needs and decide where to cut back if possible.
Keep all inheritances separate. If an inheritance is received, don't put it in both names and don't use it toward marital purchases or marital expenses.
Think about your career options. Take into account the financial impact the divorce will most likely have on your income. If you have children, take into account the hours you will have to work and the day care costs that may be involved.
Think about which assets you would like to keep, and what you are wiling to give up. Consult with your accountant about the tax consequences of various options, such as who will keep the house, or how to divide the debt if your house is underwater, and the dependency exemptions for the children.
Think about where you will live after your divorce is final. If you want to keep the marital home, immediately consult with a loan office to determine if you can afford it.
Decide how you want to tell your spouse that you want a divorce.
If you can talk to your spouse about the divorce, begin negotiation discussions with him or her as calmly as possible. Do not enter into any written agreements with your spouse without talking to your attorney first.
Find out where your spouse is willing to make concessions.
Find out where your spouse is not willing to budge.
While your marriage may never have been violent, when couples enter the turbulence of divorce, you should be aware that domestic violence may occur. Domestic violence is about power and control—one person controlling another. Here are some warning signs of a potential violent relationship:
Jealousy, this has nothing to do with love; it is a sign of insecurity and possessiveness. Your partner questions you about your every move.
Controlling behavior, your partner controls everything in your life. The perpetrator makes all personal decisions about the home, finances, your clothing or social activities.
Quick Involvement, your partner claims it was "love at first sight" or "I've never felt loved like this by anyone." He/she needs someone desperately and pressures you to commit.
Unrealistic Expectations, your partner is very dependent on you for all of his/her needs and expects you to be the perfect lover, mother, father and friend. He/she says things like "If you love me…" and "I am all you need/you're all I need."
Past battering, your partner may say he has hit others in the past, but that the former partner "made him do it."
Isolation, your partner cuts you off from all resources, family and friends. He criticizes your friends and family for meddling in your relationship or being bad influences. He/she moves you to a new town where you have no social connections.
Blaming others for his feelings, your partner will tell you "you make me mad" and "you're hurting me by not doing what I ask."
Displays a "Jekyll and Hyde" personality, your partner displays sudden mood swings. One moment he/she will be kind and loving; and the next, he/she will be cruel and possibly violent.
This is a time to guard your privacy. Change your passwords to each and every one of your on-line accounts. Assume your spouse knows how to access your private/individual accounts. Take steps to protect your self.
Communications to our office via advanced technology, including e-mail and analog or digital cellular/wireless/cordless telephones is, generally, convenient and often used. It may also be cost-effective. However, assume that this office does not have encryption capabilities with respect to such communications.
This office has no control over what occurs with respect to Internet service providers, the Internet itself or wireless communications. You must understand that such communication is subject to being intercepted, misdirected, viewed, heard, or otherwise accessed by unknown sources, either inadvertently or intentionally. As such, we cannot guarantee the confidentiality or security of such communications. Our advice is to stop using electronic media, that includes computers, cell phone text messages (note, not cell phones) to communicate.
If you are using a computer purchased during your marriage, it is community property and your spouse may demand to inspect the computer for any document contained thereon. Documents are never truly deleted from a computer and can be reconstructed.
This list may be overwhelming. It is suggested that you not rush into doing all of these things at once. Planning for divorce is best done carefully.
Divorce may be a frightening venture, but it can be an opportunity for your personal growth and a new beginning in your life.
Being informed and being prepared can help you make your divorce a more positive experience.
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